She wasn’t happy with me, it was a long distance relation and we had gone through an year with no problems of any kind but ever after that i could sense a discomfort in her emotional stay with me.
No one changes without a reason, she had changed. Even after countless questions by me, her answer was always the same.
”There is nothing like that, i am happy with you”. I loved her good enough to read her eyes and her way of talking, i was missing ‘Love’ for me in everything that she was doing.
We had gone through every phase that a relation has, we had made plans of getting married, conversations about future were a part of our daily chats but things had changed completely.
I realized that she was trying to be happy with me, she actually wasn’t. She was making every possible effort not to give a hint of the same but as i said, i knew it from her behavior.
She was sticking to me, she didn’t want to. She was walking with me, she was holding my hand but her eyes had a different story.
That last time when we met at her favorite beach, i stopped her in between the walk by bending on my knees in front of her.
“You don’t love me and you know that. Please tell me if it is so! I don’t want you to be with me for a reason that it’s just me who loves you and you cannot betray me. It’s your life sweetheart. You have every right to be happy, you have every right to live it the way you want to. Please speak off the truth” i cried out.
She threw herself down on the soil like a lifeless being, took me into her arms and cried out even louder “I am sorry, I am sorry”
I asked her the reason for apologizing praying not to hear what i had already sensed.
“I have ruined your life, i don’t love you. It took me too long to realize, just too long. Too long and too late” she finally confessed. My prayers went unheard. She didn’t love me.
I was speechless, no hints and no clues of what to say. She had taken my world off me. I failed to be strong enough to withhold the salinity of my eyes, i failed.
I could see the guilt in her eyes, she was broken too. She is not a bad person, in fact she is a gem at heart but nothing to say, it was happening. She left the decision with me, she was ready to live her life with me for just one reason that i loved her.
“You don’t need to stay. I cannot see my love dying every moment, i can’t see you killing your happiness every second, i can’t let you live with me. No, i cannot be that selfish. I can manage life and trust me i will be fine with time” i spoke out, looking into her eyes. I meant every word that i said.
She was still out of words, she still had tears in her eyes.
“Can i hug you for one last time?” i asked her. She took me into her arms and cried out badly. She knew that she had done something very wrong and she was feeling hell guilty for what she had done.
That was our last meeting, one last time that i had my world in my arms. One last time that i felt her touch and the only time that i saw her walking away from me. Away from me, far from me and finally disappearing in the merger of earth and sky. Yes she looked back, i turned a side to let her know that i am fine. I didn’t want her to look at her past again. I spent that night talking to the sea, the shivers of cold water touching my feet made it a memorable one.
It has been an year. She, well she has found her love. She is married and happily married. Thanks to my habit of stalking her that has never gone away when many feelings actually have now. Yes, i miss her at times but it’s fine. Soon I’d be married too and i will do everything to be loyal to the one that destiny has chosen for me. Life is an amazing journey.